How to Flinch

“It’s emblematic of our societal discomfort with poetry that so many blurbs for poetry books use the word ‘unflinching.’ Actually, I think poets should flinch. We need to get better at flinching.” ~ Lia Purpura

 

Yes, I have eaten ants’ eggs. Faintly sweet little clusters whose honey
clicked a little between your teeth. Sometimes, parts of bodies
still clinging fiercely by a thread.

The tech on duty explained about the suction created in the vein
when pulling back against the plunger of the syringe. Let me try
again
, he said, gently swabbing with alcohol.

Old wives’ remedies for warts: drops of muriatic
acid. Frog piss. A razor blade cutting
clean and across from the base.

Swarms of winged ants— thin waists, bent antennae—
after days of heavy rain. Gleam from basins of water on the porch:
I cried to see the drowned ones sheathed in their gossamer.

Dear Fyodor, how old will I be when old grief passes gradually
into quiet tender joy
? For hives, sometimes I’m tempted to pass
the back of a heated spoon on raised, feverish skin.

 

In response to Heard at AWP.

Trail of Crumbs

“Learn to love silence and the taste of water.” ~ Dave Bonta

 

There is only a column of stones
where the fireplace used to be.

What was the thunk in the night of a green body
falling from the tree? Jackfruit, or avocado?

The heady smell from the garden is strongest
at noon: red-streaked tongues of ginger lilies.

If you take a candle and look in the mirror at midnight,
the gaunt face of your future bridegroom will appear.

No one around: waking from groggy sleep after giving birth,
finding the bathroom; jellied spiral of blood on the floor.

One memory of moonlight: my mother patiently filled spaces
between large, flat stones on the walk with smaller pebbles.

The furl of a fish fin in pond water: scallop
of vanishing rouge, tip of a mossy hieroglyph.

Dry bread, still sweet, softens in a cup of amber-
colored tea. This you can drink, and eat.

 

In response to How to lose.

Heard at AWP

Chicago Public Library at night

“Electronic literature might also be called born-direct literature.”

“I love the messiness of digital space.”

“Blogs and online magazines with comments best embody the literary anarchy of the web — a literature without gatekeepers.”

“I’m sorry, I like gatekeepers. I don’t have the time to decide what to read.”

“A kind of hypertextual tunneling.”

“It’s emblematic of our societal discomfort with poetry that so many blurbs for poetry books use the word ‘unflinching.’ Actually, I think poets should flinch. We need to get better at flinching.”

“I practice a pedagogy of emergency.”

vortices

“The Seminary Bookstore at Hyde Park is the best bookstore in the world. I was jilted by Powell’s.”

“To give a poetry reading is to feel the phantom limb of the musician’s audience.”

“I make 40 to 50 thousand dollars a year traveling around playing the fiddle and reading poetry.”

“If you funk up a cliché, it becomes genius.”

“I was a whore at the poetry bordello.”

“She ripped the cigarette out of his mouth, broke it in half, and jabbed the lit end into his cheek.”

“Not many parks, but lots of feral space.”

“Just because you know how to write doesn’t mean you know how to read.”

with Susan Elbe
With poet and Chicago native Susan Elbe

Penultimates

“Send the dew of blessing, the dew of grace;
renew my dispensation, and grant me length of days.”

– from “Prayers for the Protection and Opening of the Heart”
by Ya’akov Hakohen, trans. Peter Cole

 

Intuit, lean in, listen: the world’s too much. Who’s left
that knows to comprehend words that don’t get spoken?

A finger traces a vein along the chipped Formica counter.
Behind it, the cashier’s chalking in prices on the menu board:

Banh mi, buckwheat crepes, waffles, sausage and gravy. Outside fog,
windows clouded with steam. Appetite not meaning to obscure the view.

A woman’s knitting a blanket for a child soon born. The tips of fingers
where they press to work against the metal needles, blue-heathered as yarn.

How long, I wonder, will I have the strength to keep sprinting? I barely made
the last flight out. And no one cares to look through manifests for missing names.

Rain now, snowfall tonight. Unharmed, the baby they found in a field.
A town raked through and through by tornado winds around her.

We sit with charts and tables: worry times need calculating cost. Ring it up
once, twice, thrice. Was everything all right? Come back again soon.

 

In response to How to Burn.

Mosaic

“The song badly sung. The incomplete preparation. The careless remark. The unexpected and breathtaking disappointment, which we try to hide.” ~ Seon Joon

The rows of sausages looped like necklaces of marbled beads at the butcher’s.

The layer of fat congealed on the surface of stew.

The limp caused by gout.

The bare light bulb and its coated wire, suspended from the ceiling.

The fingers bloated with fluid, the morning after (not rounds of drinking, just soy sauce from last night’s Chinese takeout).

The letters on the mantel, addressed but still unsent.

The seeds that never sprouted in the flower pot.

The flammable heart, equipped with its miniature fire extinguisher in matching red.

 

In response to errata & corrigenda.

The train to Chicago

Sun dogs linger until almost sunset, weird prismatic spots in the wispy clouds. A man across the aisle is singing softly into a book.

*

We plunge into a mountain. This is nothing like flying. We are burrowing our way into the continent.

*

I hear the announcement faintly from the next car: ten minutes till Johnstown. Orange water in the creek beside the tracks; the rocks stained orange. A woman two seats ahead on her cell phone: I got your voicemail an hour late… It was all choppy. I couldn’t make it out. Did you get my text message? … Yeah, I got your number, I’ll try and call…

*

Onion domes. I too revere the holy onion. In fact, I’m told by sharp-nosed friends that I smell faintly of onions at all times. There are worse scents to wear.

*

An industrial wasteland, mostly reduced to rubble – acres and acres of it, dotted with yellow excavators.

*

It’s hard to tell which factories are abandoned – those with lights in them look as derelict as the rest, sooty, missing half their windows.

*

Welcome to Johnstown, the saddest city in Pennsylvania. Three people get off; one gets on. She settles briefly in front of the singing passenger, then gets up and moves to the front of the car.

*

Nine large churches in one neighborhood, including two more with golden onions. The severe-looking brown church must be where the Presbyterians go.

*

A forested hillside strewn with boulders, gray and hulking but somehow the opposite of depressing.

*

Through the windows opposite, I glimpse the cooling towers of a power plant silhouetted against the darkening sky.

*

Whistling some small, anonymous crossing. There’s a train coming, you think, having grown up near the rail line, and then realize you are that train.

*

I can hardly see anything out the window now, due to the reflections from all the lights inside. Every seat is illuminated by default, whether or not it’s occupied. The conductor comes through, collecting the yellow slips above our seats, no longer keeping tabs on us.

*

To travel by train at night is to travel through darkness, with no street lights or billboards to mark one’s route. What lights exist are at a remove, beyond the dark corridor of the railroad right-of-way. This is a side of the country one forgets all about on an ordinary road trip — the unadorned back forty. And at night, one doesn’t see all the trash.

*

A mall parking lot is an oasis of light. Then we are slipping behind it: orange lights, beveled blocks. We should be right about at the Monroeville mall, where Dawn of the Dead was filmed. I’d recognize it from the highway, of course. Train travel can be disorienting like that.

*

A brightly lit warehouse full of nothing. Parking decks lit up like cruise ships.

*

The rhythmic rocking of the train combines with sleep deprivation to lull me into a state of child-like passivity. By the time I see daylight again, somewhere in Indiana, the land will have abandoned its own attempt at rhythm save for the gentlest of swells.

You could write home about any of these:

the tourists turning their faces up in the rain
to gaze at the knickers of Marilyn’s larger-
than-life-size statue, her sculpted skirt
fanned open like sampan sails in the wind—

in the shadow of a billboard that says
Occupy Your Bed, the poet in his motel room
wondering about bed bugs before drifting off,
a haze cast by traffic lights on the window—

the slim boys and girls in olive uniforms and Mao caps
emblazoned with one red star each, serving spicy hot
pot chicken and salt and pepper shrimp in Chinatown,
years away from the cultural revolution—

the nine thousand five hundred and some writers
rushing from one conference room to another, the lines
for coffee and croissants longer than discourse, fleeting
conversations with the sound of riffled pages—

the man singing Billy Joel covers at the piano
in the chop house, the waiter who sang ode
after ode to marbled steaks, their filets
and strips, their bone-in and barrel cuts—

the sky above the art institute beginning to color
like the inside of a skillet, sheen of a butter knife
lying beside a plate of fish in a Dutch still life as towns
splinter apart in the wake of tornados down south—

the man on the street corner rattling his cup of coins
breathing Sweet little momma, please help;
the stranger pointing to his camera then to his face,
bowing and saying Thank you, please, you’re welcome.

 

In response to Words on the Street.

Chicago

photographer in Chicago

Right, so I’m in Chicago.

occupy your bedroom

My bedroom is directly underneath this billboard. I’ve been occupying the hell out of it.

Via Negativa authors

But best of all, at the conference I met Luisa Igloria for the first time! And many other wonderful people, of course.