Disproportionate

She begun to talk in the morning and to be friends, believing all this while that I had read her letter, which I perceive by her discourse was full of good counsel, and relating the reason of her desiring a woman, and how little charge she did intend it to be to me, so I begun and argued it as full and plain to her, and she to reason it highly to me, to put her away, and take one of the Bowyers if I did dislike her, that I did resolve when the house is ready she shall try her for a while; the truth is, I having a mind to have her come for her musique and dancing. So up and about my papers all the morning, and her brother coming I did tell him my mind plain, who did assure me that they were both of the sisters very humble and very poor, and that she that we are to have would carry herself so. So I was well contented and spent part of the morning at my office, and so home and to dinner, and after dinner, finding Sarah to be discontented at the news of this woman, I did begin in my wife’s chamber to talk to her and tell her that it was not out of unkindness to her, but my wife came up, and I perceive she is not too reconciled to her whatever the matter is, that I perceive I shall not be able to keep her, though she is as good a servant (only a little pettish) that ever I desire to have, and a creditable servant. So she desired leave to go out to look [for] a service, and did, for which I am troubled, and fell out highly afterwards with my wife about it. So to my office, where we met this afternoon about answering a great letter of my Lord Treasurer’s, and that done to my office drawing up a letter to him, and so home to supper.

how little a gun
to have come for music and dancing

so pettish a servant
to answer to


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Friday 14 November 1662.

Second guesses

They are small, so
slight Almost impossible
to detect unless you’ve

made one You’ll know
when you’ve got one—
The moment preceded

by just the briefest
flicker as if to normalize
And then someone will ask

a random question
which feels momentous
like some kind of test

Then shake your hand
winking conspiratorially
at another on the side

All the while unleashing
a slew of sparkly adjectives
Or— We’re all friends

here We’re like family So you
have to really focus Is the hair
on your nape prickling

 

In response to Via Negativa: Risk assessment.

Quandary

Up and began our discontent again and sorely angered my wife, who indeed do live very lonely, but I do perceive that it is want of work that do make her and all other people think of ways of spending their time worse, and this I owe to my building, that do not admit of her undertaking any thing of work, because the house has been and is still so dirty.
I to my office, and there sat all the morning and dined with discontent with my wife at noon, and so to my office, and there this afternoon we had our first meeting upon our commission of inspecting the Chest, and there met Sir J. Minnes, Sir Francis Clerke, Mr. Heath, Atturney of the Dutchy, Mr. Prinn, Sir W. Rider, Captn. Cocke, and myself. Our first work to read over the Institution, which is a decree in Chancery in the year 1617, upon an inquisition made at Rochester about that time into the revenues of the Chest, which had then, from the year 1588 or 1590, by the advice of the Lord High Admiral and principal officers then being, by consent of the seamen, been settled, paying sixpence per month, according to their wages then, which was then but 10s. which is now 24s.
We adjourned to a fortnight hence. So broke up, and I to see Sir W. Pen, who is now pretty well, but lies in bed still; he cannot rise to stand. Then to my office late, and this afternoon my wife in her discontent sent me a letter, which I am in a quandary what to do, whether to read it or not, but I purpose not, but to burn it before her face, that I may put a stop to more of this nature. But I must think of some way, either to find her some body to keep her company, or to set her to work, and by employment to take up her thoughts and time. After doing what I had to do I went home to supper, and there was very sullen to my wife, and so went to bed and to sleep (though with much ado, my mind being troubled) without speaking one word to her.

anger is building an office in my chest
out of lies and quandary

whether to burn
or to sleep with a troubled word


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Thursday 13 November 1662.

TV dinner

Nothing to do at our office. Thence into the Hall, and just as I was going to dinner from Westminster Hall with Mr. Moore (with whom I had been in the lobby to hear news, and had spoke with Sir Anthony Ashley Cooper about my Lord’s lodgings) to his house, I met with Captain Holland, who told me that he hath brought his wife to my house, so I posted home and got a dish of meat for them. They staid with me all the afternoon, and went hence in the evening.
Then I went with my wife, and left her at market, and went myself to the Coffee-house, and heard exceeding good argument against Mr. Harrington’s assertion, that overbalance of propriety was the foundation of government.
Home, and wrote to Hinchinbroke, and sent that and my other letter that missed of going on Thursday last. So to bed.

dinner with the news
ash in a dish of evening

my coffee an argument against
that overbalance of propriety


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Saturday 14 January 1659/60. (See the original erasure.)

Winnings

Coming in the morning to my office, I met with Mr. Fage and took him to the Swan. He told me how high Haselrigge, and Morly, the last night began at my Lord Mayor’s to exclaim against the City of London, saying that they had forfeited their charter. And how the Chamberlain of the City did take them down, letting them know how much they were formerly beholding to the City, &c. He also told me that Monk’s letter that came to them by the sword-bearer was a cunning piece, and that which they did not much trust to; but they were resolved to make no more applications to the Parliament, nor to pay any money, unless the secluded members be brought in, or a free Parliament chosen.
Thence to my office, where nothing to do. So to Will’s with Mr. Pinkney, who invited me to their feast at his Hall the next Monday. Thence I went home and took my wife and dined at Mr. Wades, and after that we went and visited Catan. From thence home again, and my wife was very unwilling to let me go forth, but with some discontent would go out if I did, and I going forth towards Whitehall, I saw she followed me, and so I staid and took her round through Whitehall, and so carried her home angry. Thence I went to Mrs. Jem, and found her up and merry, and that it did not prove the small-pox, but only the swine-pox; so I played a game or two at cards with her. And so to Mr. Vines, where he and I and Mr. Hudson played half-a-dozen things, there being there Dick’s wife and her sister. After that I went home and found my wife gone abroad to Mr. Hunt’s, and came in a little after me. — So to bed.

pink in the east
as I go home
a small win at cards


Erasure haiku derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Friday 13 January 1659/60. (See the original erasure.)

Risk assessment

At my office most of the morning, after I had done among my painters, and sent away Mr. Shaw and Hawly, who came to give me a visit this morning. Shaw it seems is newly re-married to a rich widow. At noon dined at home with my wife, and by and by, by my wife’s appointment came two young ladies, sisters, acquaintances of my wife’s brother’s, who are desirous to wait upon some ladies, and proffer their service to my wife. The youngest, indeed, hath a good voice, and sings very well, besides other good qualitys; but I fear hath been bred up with too great liberty for my family, and I fear greater inconveniences of expenses, and my wife’s liberty will follow, which I must study to avoid till I have a better purse; though, I confess, the gentlewoman, being pretty handsome, and singing, makes me have a good mind to her.
Anon I took them by coach and carried them to a friend’s of theirs, in Lincoln’s Inn Fields, and there I left them and I to the Temple by appointment to my cousin Roger’s chamber, where my uncle Thomas and his son Thomas met us, I having hoped that they would have agreed with me to have had [it] ended by my cozen Roger, but they will have two strangers to be for them against two others of mine, and so we parted without doing any thing till the two send me the names of their arbiters. Thence I walked home, calling a little in Paul’s Churchyard, and, I thank God, can read and never buy a book, though I have a great mind to it. So to the Dolphin Tavern near home, by appointment, and there met with Wade and Evett, and have resolved to make a new attempt upon another discovery, in which God give us better fortune than in the other, but I have great confidence that there is no cheat in these people, but that they go upon good grounds, though they have been mistaken in the place of the first.
From thence, without drinking a drop of wine, home to my office and there made an end, though late, of my collection of the prices of masts for these twelve years to this day, in order to the buying of some of Wood, and I bound it up in painted paper to lie by as a book for future use. So home and to supper and to bed, and a little before and after we were in bed we had much talk and difference between us about my wife’s having a woman, which I seemed much angry at, that she should go so far in it without consideration and my being consulted with. So to bed.

the rich fear too great a liberty
hands singing in the fields

without calling God
to make a new ground

without the price of order
bound up in a book


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Wednesday 12 November 1662.

Smaller than life

I drink my morning at Harper’s with Mr. Sheply and a seaman, and so to my office, where Captain Holland came to see me, and appointed a meeting in the afternoon. Then wrote letters to Hinchinbroke and sealed them at Will’s, and after that went home, and thence to the Half Moon, where I found the Captain and Mr. Billingsly and Newman, a barber, where we were very merry, and had the young man that plays so well on the Welsh harp. Billingsly paid for all. Thence home, and finding my letters this day not gone by the carrier I new sealed them, but my brother Tom coming we fell into discourse about my intention to feast the Joyces. I sent for a bit of meat for him from the cook’s, and forgot to send my letters this night. So I went to bed, and in discourse broke to my wife what my thoughts were concerning my design of getting money by, &c.

an inch-and-a-half moon
all my thoughts
concern money


Erasure haiku derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Thursday 12 January 1659/60. (See the original erasure.)

Inscrutable sonnets

“It will flame out, like shining from shook foil…” ~ G.M. Hopkins

16

Land, as we’ve come to learn, translates into paper:
its measure taken, its ownership assigned, transferable
to another for a price or the mark of a digit dipped
in ink. What is your dream of home? What do you see
at the end of a lane or a mountain road, curtains drawn,
porch posts leaning under the weight of vines? What’s left
when it’s gone? Do the debts disappear too, do they vapor
into the atmosphere along with the ghost of the man
who came knocking before breakfast time? —one hand poised
on his holster, the other waving a list of building materials
and how much they cost. When I close my eyes I can see
neat rows of figures and the IOU: I owe you, obligate you,
obliterate you, obelisk you, ostracize you, oubliette you:
a series of trap doors, channels in coin-sorting machines.

 

In response to Via Negativa: Money rap.

Anxiety disorder

All the morning sitting at the office, and then to dinner with my wife, and so to the office again (where a good while Mr. Bland was with me, telling me very fine things in merchandize, which, but that the trouble of my office do so cruelly hinder me, I would take some pains in) till late at night. Towards the evening I, as I have done for three or four nights, studying something of Arithmetique, which do please me well to see myself come forward. So home, to supper, and to bed.

all morning sitting with the bland
merchandise of night

I study arithmetic to see myself


Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Tuesday 11 November 1662.