25 years ago I sought legal counsel
and attempted to file for annulment—
the difference from divorce being that if
proven meritorious, the court renders
the marriage null and void, as if it never
happened. My lawyer had a habit of picking
at his teeth while taking calls during
my appointments; according to him,
among the conditions listed as grounds
for annulment, the only one I could pursue
was “Mental or Psychological Incapacity”—
meaning I was to present myself to a court
psychologist, write an autobiographical
essay whose theme would be my innate
deranged or unbalanced nature. Because I had
no words back then for describing my ex’s
anger management issues, like a fool I took
the printed form and tried to put my life
as I knew it under the awful, recommended
spotlight. Meanwhile, men blithely led
two or more secret lives, or openly flaunted
mistresses. An action star sired more than
eighty children by sixteen different
women, and even got elected senator.