Not Having Learned to Breathe in Water

I've always been afraid
of getting in any water that looks
like it will definitely go over

my head. Until third grade, 
I used to be afraid to even stand 
in the shower and let water run 

over my head and face. Close your eyes, 
I was instructed. But what does it mean
to fear drowning even on solid ground? 

Nevertheless I tried learning to swim 
once. The group instructor at the Y 
gave us foam noodles and showed us 

how to kick off. The first few times 
she'd lead us down to the middle 
of one lane then turn back around. 
  
I can say I learned at least
how to float. But holding on to a rubber 
board and trying to propel my body across 

that deep, it's like I forgot how to breathe. 
I stood up in a panic. The rest of the class
was learning to turn their heads: one 

side first, then the other. On the far 
end, children in bright suits jumped in, 
paddling and stroking without fear.