Hand-in-hand, hand over hand; hand over heart— how we move through the life we’re given, to keep from premature unraveling. I remember green days dazzled with light, the child I was astride a tricycle with red and white streamers dangling from each handlebar. In a nearly faded picture, my mother bends toward me. We both look in the direction of the camera, which is another name for the future at which we flash our well- pressed smiles. Later, let loose on the grass, I behead my own share of dandelions, surreptitiously nibble on white clover, hiding my disappointment at not finding a four-leafed prize. But I remember the herb-sour fascination on my tongue; how every flower was a globe studded with tens of tiny flowers, each with its own small standard and two side petals enclosing the keel.
Interval, with Ghosts of Wounds
As a young man, one of my grandfathers went to work as a cook in a hotel built in the 1900s. My youngest daughter and I stayed there on a visit years ago. It rained almost every day. But we had strong black coffee and ate breakfasts of fried egg and venison or fried egg and smoked fish with a relish of onions and tomato in a room where generals and soldiers dined during colonial times. We walked in the sopping rain— I wanted to show her the cathedral where people sheltered during the war; there had been a crack running all the way from the door and up the aisle, but like any kind of scar, it was hardly visible anymore. Even then, it was a place mostly full of ghosts for me. A statue of the crucified Christ still lay on its back in a dusty glass case. During Lent, they took off the lid and the faithful could come and touch their fingers to all the places where the wounds would be.
Greed
Up early to do business in my study.
This is my great day that three years ago I was cut of the stone, and, blessed be God, I do yet find myself very free from pain again. All this morning I staid at home looking after my workmen to my great content about my stairs, and at noon by coach to my father’s, where Mrs. Turner, The, Joyce, Mr. Morrice, Mr. Armiger, Mr. Pierce, the surgeon, and his wife, my father and mother, and myself and my wife.
Very merry at dinner; among other things, because Mrs. Turner and her company eat no flesh at all this Lent, and I had a great deal of good flesh which made their mouths water.
After dinner Mrs. Pierce and her husband and I and my wife to Salisbury Court, where coming late he and she light of Col. Boone that made room for them, and I and my wife sat in the pit, and there met with Mr. Lewes and Tom Whitton, and saw “The Bondman” done to admiration. So home by coach, and after a view of what the workmen had done to-day I went to bed.
this is the toneless god
I find myself free from
this urge of flesh-
mad mouths
to bury light
in the pit
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Tuesday 26 March 1661.
Helped
The sound of the river at night, easier on the ears than the noise of winds rousing their own rabble. I eat a banana at the counter, waiting for the laundry to dry, wondering how to pay off all my debts so I can retire. After the death of my father, we found out he had barely anything left in his savings. I can't remember for sure, but my mother lay in bed for weeks. I can't remember either how I fended for myself or if I had any help; surely I had help? There's another memory of her, sick in bed; and I only seven, moving back and forth between her bedside and the kitchen as she gave me instructions on how to cook adobo.: lay the chicken pieces in the pot. Barely cover with soy sauce, vnegar, a little water. Throw in garlic cloves and peppercorn, a large bay leaf. I don't remember how long it took to make everything tender, who poured the stew over a bowl of steaming white rice. Somehow she survived, I survived. She is only recently gone, while I am still here.
Re-commitment
(Lady day). This morning came workmen to begin the making of me a new pair of stairs up out of my parler, which, with other work that I have to do, I doubt will keep me this two months and so long I shall be all in dirt; but the work do please me very well. To the office, and there all the morning, dined at home, and after dinner comes Mr. Salisbury to see me, and shewed me a face or two of his paynting, and indeed I perceive that he will be a great master.
I took him to Whitehall with me by water, but he would not by any means be moved to go through bridge, and so we were fain to go round by the Old Swan.
To my Lord’s and there I shewed him the King’s picture, which he intends to copy out in little. After that I and Captain Ferrers to Salisbury Court by water, and saw part of the “Queene’s Maske.” Then I to Mrs. Turner, and there staid talking late. The. Turner being in a great chafe, about being disappointed of a room to stand in at the Coronacion.
Then to my father’s, and there staid talking with my mother and him late about my dinner to-morrow.
So homewards and took up a boy that had a lanthorn, that was picking up of rags, and got him to light me home, and had great discourse with him how he could get sometimes three or four bushells of rags in a day, and got 3d. a bushell for them, and many other discourses, what and how many ways there are for poor children to get their livings honestly.
So home and I to bed at 12 o’clock at night, being pleased well with the work that my workmen have begun to-day.
I am making new stairs
up out of my doubt
I face the old mask
and talk to it about light
and how many ways I get
to be with my gun
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Monday 25 March 1660/61.
Poetry Blog Digest 2024, Week 12
A personal selection of posts from the Poetry Blogging Network and beyond. Although I tend to quote my favorite bits, please do click through and read the whole posts. You can also browse the blog digest archive, subscribe to its RSS feed in your favorite feed reader, or, if you’d like it in your inbox, subscribe on Substack.
This week: meaning in fog, emergency language, an inconvenient cemetery, a home make-under, World Poetry Day, the spring equinox, and more. Enjoy.
Continue reading “Poetry Blog Digest 2024, Week 12”Five Year Review
We keep reinventing ourselves as if there was a shelf life to our kind of professional Someone's always asking for a dossier An updated file just to make sure you're worth the award How much work does it take to prove you can work How much more you could work without the light of constant scrutiny Happy even to be of use Happy to disprove the so-called self- fulfilling prophecies
Mill town
(Lord’s day). My wife and I to church, and then home with Sir W. Batten and my Lady to dinner, where very merry, and then to church again, where Mr. Mills made a good sermon. Home again, and after a walk in the garden Sir W. Batten’s two daughters came and sat with us a while, and I then up to my chamber to read.
my church and I
at church again
where mills made
the garden mean
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Sunday 24 March 1660/61.
Sea changeling
All the morning at home putting papers in order, dined at home, and then out to the Red Bull (where I had not been since plays come up again), but coming too soon I went out again and walked all up and down the Charterhouse yard and Aldersgate street. At last came back again and went in, where I was led by a seaman that knew me, but is here as a servant, up to the tireing-room, where strange the confusion and disorder that there is among them in fitting themselves, especially here, where the clothes are very poor, and the actors but common fellows. At last into the Pitt, where I think there was not above ten more than myself, and not one hundred in the whole house. And the play, which is called “All’s lost by Lust,” poorly done; and with so much disorder, among others, that in the musique-room the boy that was to sing a song, not singing it right, his master fell about his ears and beat him so, that it put the whole house in an uprore.
Thence homewards, and at the Mitre met my uncle Wight, and with him Lieut.-Col. Baron, who told us how Crofton, the great Presbyterian minister that had lately preached so highly against Bishops, is clapped up this day into the Tower. Which do please some, and displease others exceedingly.
Home and to bed.
the sea is here
fitting into my house
and is lost among us
not singing right
as ears roar who told us
how to ache
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Saturday 23 March 1660/61.
Self-reliance
This morning I rose early, and my Lady Batten knocked at her door that comes into one of my chambers, and called me to know whether I and my wife were ready to go. So my wife got her ready, and about eight o’clock I got a horseback, and my Lady and her two daughters, and Sir W. Pen into coach, and so over London Bridge, and thence to Dartford. The day very pleasant, though the way bad. Here we met with Sir W. Batten, and some company along with him, who had assisted him in his election at Rochester; and so we dined and were very merry. At 5 o’clock we set out again in a coach home, and were very merry all the way. At Deptford we met with Mr. Newborne, and some other friends and their wives in a coach to meet us, and so they went home with us, and at Sir W. Batten’s we supped, and thence to bed, my head akeing mightily through the wine that I drank to-day.
I am my horse
for a bad way
newborn
through wine
Erasure poem derived from The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Frtiday 22 March 1660/61.