Off-key

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“Konkerlee,” they sang – if singing is the term for something so unmelodic, so off-key. “Konkerlee.” But all together. With feeling.

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? No, I suspect you don’t – unless you grew up in a family of naturalists as I did. I try not to take that for granted, remembering how mystified I feel when people my own age and younger bond over choruses of their favorite television theme songs and advertising jingles from the 1970s and 80s. So often, growing up, I found myself unable to relate to my classmates in the local public schools – we might as well have been speaking mutually unintelligble languages. Without television, I participated only vicariously in the major cultural watersheds of our time, such as the airing of Roots, or the sudden awareness of issues like homosexuality or possible human cloning.

I had more in common with some of my fundamentalist Christian classmates than anyone else. They too had parents who didn’t believe in TV, distrusted the government, raised much of their own food, and did weird things like read books out loud, have regular family meetings, and eat meals together at set times. They too wore clothes from the Dollar General Store and shoes from Super Shoes, and didn’t have a clue about sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll. But beyond that, our respective value systems had very few areas of overlap. (“What? You believe in evolution? Don’t you know you can go to hell for that?”)

These days, the Internet keeps me feeling marginally more connected to mass-marketed culture and politics, though I still haven’t seen things that pundits on the radio regularly tell us that everyone has seen, such as the appearance of the Beatles on American Bandstand (?), or footage of the jets crashing into the twin towers on 9/11. Even as a kid, I felt like an anthropologist in my own country, and that feeling has only intensified with age.

In a dream the other night I was walking along an abandoned county road – you know, cracked patches of asphalt where tough customers like chicory, teasel and spotted knapweed gather around, drinking from 40-oz. bottles & talking trash. I topped a rise and found myself in the middle of our field circa 1975. There was my older brother, age 11 or 12, pushing the lawnmower without a great deal of enthusiasm. There were those three, huge balm-of-Gilead trees that my dad had had to cut down a few years later because they were dead or near death & leaning dangerously over the house. The seckle pear tree was back in the Pear Tree Curve of the driveway, still five years away from its collision with the driver’s side of our old truck in my brother’s first driving lesson. Our red VW bus sat in the garage. The forsythia was in full bloom, along with that row of tulips that would later be wiped out by rabbits. Puppies romped on the veranda.

I walked up to my brother and explained that I’d just come from the year 2005, through some kind of time warp. (We always use to talk about time warps when we were kids.) To my surprise, he bolted, leaving the lawnmower running. Good lord, I said to myself – he thinks I want to kick his ass! Maybe the sibling rivalry had been stronger than I remembered. I stared around at all the acres of mowed lawn and lawn yet-to-be-mowed. Why in the world did we keep it up year after year, this pointless struggle to prevent nature from running wild? It’s not as if we had any neighbors to cluck their tongues.

I realized I wouldn’t be able to handle the shock of meeting my parents when they were younger than I am now, so I woke up. Outside it was one of those cold and foggy mornings just like the ones on which the red-wing blackbirds always used to come back, sometime between late February and late March. They were one of the first and therefore most eagerly anticipated entries in the old Spring Arrivals List that my mom taped to the refrigerator every year. They would show up right after daybreak and perch in the yard trees for an hour or two, making their rusty-barn-door-hinge racket. They almost never actually bred on the mountain, so this was one of the few times in the course of the year when we could count on seeing them. But for some reason they haven’t been paying us an early-spring visit nearly as often as they used to when I was a kid – maybe one year out of three.

White-throated sparrows were singing their wistful song about Poor Sam Peabody or Oh Sweet Canada, whichever you prefer (I hear both). As I sat there drinking my coffee and feeling nostalgic, damn me if a red-wing blackbird’s konkerlee call didn’t ring out. Image Hosted by ImageShack.usA whole flock had landed in the walnut trees above the other house – the one I grew up in – and was joined a few minutes later by another flock of about the same size. There must have been a couple hundred, all told. With that many of them calling at the same time, most of what you hear, as I said in yesterday’s post, are the overtones. It’s a little like Tuvanese throat singing, if you know what I mean. I walked over to the edge of the porch and stood there listening for the longest time, peering into the fog.
__________

N.B.: The above image of a redwing blackbird was highly modified from a web source.

Cibola 65

This entry is part 64 of 119 in the series Cibola

 

Marcos (3)

Panting from the climb, eyes
on the trail, the friar
almost runs into
his guide, who stands
with an arm outstretched behind
to stop him short. Then

without turning
his head, hooks
a fold of Marcos’s habit
& tugs him forward like
a trout, breathes in his ear: Mirad.
Look.
Within arrow’s range down
the slope, beyond
the pines with
their filigreed shadows
a meadow traversed
by a winding creek, sunlight
playing on the water

& there on the far bank
two animals lying down together
in the vast & reverent stillness.
The smaller one glows a burnished
copper flecked with white–
un ciervito, a fawn–
cradled by the golden
longtailed form that just then

raises her bowed head
to intercept
their gaze. A glimpse
of dripping jaws & tongue,
whiskered face stained red, before
she rises

& with one liquid
motion leaps
& vanishes.

(To be continued.)

Two legs at noon: new poem-like things

I want to give myself back to myself, I thought, sitting on the porch at dawn & watching the dark details slowly filling in between the scattered patches of white, which, among all possible fallen things, I suspect will once again turn out to be nothing but snow.

*

My first published poem in years & they fucked it up, printing double spaces between the lines. And they’re short lines, too. I’m amazed by how well they manage to bear the burden of their isolation. My words have never seemed so measured before. They pick their way over the page on herons’ feet.

*

Along with What do you do? & Where are you from? I would like to ask each new acquaintance, What do you grieve for? Because I have this hunch that everyone clutches a portion of the self-same grief. We give it endearing names, as culture & circumstance may dictate. Our male or female nipples ache to give it suck.

*

I remember sitting under, inside, encircled – surrounded by her, as ripples in a pond surround a water-strider, rowing the skinny boat of his fish-bait body to & fro.

*

After a day spent hunched over a keypad, to stand outside in my slippers looking at the moon seems wholly fatuous. How does taking this in for a few minutes make up for everything I have failed to witness? The calendar on my computer tells me to expect a full moon, so I wait for the clouds to thin & the trees to grow shadows as they should. In the space of ten minutes, my front yard expands to an enormous size. The calendar on my computer says it’s Good Friday. Resist the urge to pray long enough & the sweetness will rise & spread to your outermost branches.

*

Easter Sunday: thick fog, dark shapes of redwing blackbirds in the walnut trees, all calling at once. They drown out the song sparrows, the robins, even the creek. It’s the auditory equivalent of a rolling boil: the overtones rise & burst, rise & burst.

*

Whichever direction I walk, the fog keeps its distance. It reminds me of driving in certain parts of the Midwest where trees are spread just thickly enough to make one swear there must be a forest on the horizon. Here, the woods are never far. A pileated woodpecker drums & cackles. This corner of the field where plow & mower have been absent the longest has the highest concentration of ant mounds & small mammal burrows. Leave land alone long enough & it will grow – not in acreage, perhaps, but certainly in surface area. Its dreams are no longer yours. They multiply, re-drawing the horizon. Like a girl turning into her own woman – a rarer thing than it should be in this over-farmed world.

*

The snow lingers on old logging roads & on the weather side of abandoned plow lines. On a clear day in the middle of March one can see such scars on wooded hillsides from miles away. But today we’re socked in with fog; I keep my eyes on the damp leaves beneath my feet. Here & there I can make out drag trails from last fall’s hunting season, tufts of white hair from a deer’s belly.

*

Coyote shit always lies parallel to the direction of the trail. Here’s a case in point: three hairy gray turds side by side, half caterpillar, half pupa. Remember this if you’re ever lost in the woods. As much as its priorities may differ from ours, a coyote can be trusted to follow a straight line for miles.

*

Orange on the ridgetop where a porcupine has chewed the bark off a fallen red oak tree, limb & branch. Orange in the Far Field where my father always mows the same path with his tractor, a stripe of broom sedge through the gray-brown mess of old goldenrod.

*

Fifty feet off the trail, a tree drops a limb just to see if I’m paying attention. I am now.

*

Winter-bleached leaves on a stand of beech saplings hang tip-down, curled like funnels, holding moisture for no good reason I can think of. When the wind starts up they drop it all at once. I hear the patter from around the bend & picture things running – yet another harmless conclave broken up by the approach of a human being, two legs at noon.

Cibola 64

This entry is part 63 of 119 in the series Cibola

 

Reader (9)

The wolf shall dwell with the lamb,
and the leopard shall lie down with the kid,
and the calf and the lion and the fatling together . . .
ISAIAH 11:6

[T]he animals, because alike mortal and endowed with similar physical
functions and organs, are considered [by Zunis] more nearly related to man than
are the gods; more nearly related to the gods than is man, because more
mysterious, and characterized by specific instincts and powers which man does
not of himself possess.
FRANK H. CUSHING
Zuñi Fetiches

The sacred is what repels our advance.
ALPHONSO LINGIS
Abuses

Man of Keriot

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And Yehuda said unto his brethren, “What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood? Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh.” And his brethren were content.

Then there passed by Midianite merchantmen, and they drew and lifted up Yosef out of the pit, and sold Yosef to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver, and they brought Yosef into Egypt.

GENESIS 37:26-28 (King James Version, slightly amended)

*

Now while Yeshua was in Beit Aniyah in the house of Shimon the leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster flask of precious myrrh and poured it on his head, anointing him, while he was reclining at the dinner table. When his students saw this, they were indignant and said, “Why this waste? This ointment could have been sold for a great price and given to the poor.”

Yeshua heard them and said,

Why are you troubling this woman
who has done a good thing for me?
The poor you always have with you,
but me you will not always have.
When she poured myrrh on my body,
she prepared me for burial.
Amen, I say to you, where in all the world
the good news is proclaimed,
what she has done will be told
in memory of this woman.

Then one of the twelve, who was called Yehuda of Keriot, went to the high priests and said, “What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?”

And they weighed out thirty pieces of silver for him.

And from that moment, Yehuda looked for a chance to betray him.

GOSPEL OF MATTAI 26:6-16 (Willis Barnstone, tr., The New Covenant, Riverhead Books, 2002)
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Returning to the drey

I’m out on the porch with my coffee a little later than usual this morning. It’s about 6:30 and almost fully light, though still overcast and threatening snow or rain. I’m watching a gray squirrel at the edge of the woods with increasing interest. When I first notice her, she’s in the top of a tulip (a.k.a yellow poplar) tree, gathering a great wad of something long and stringy and stuffing it into her cheek pouches. I don’t have my binoculars with me, but I can see that the small, nearly horizontal branch she’s on has stuff dangling from it, and she’s grabbing strips of it – presumably the soft, inner bark of the tree. I’m guessing that it was recently exposed by the porcupine that lives in the crawl space under my house, though I don’t see its tracks in the snow.

The squirrel races back to her nest near the top of a slender black cherry tree about seventy-five feet from the tulip, quickly empties the contents of cheek pouches into it, and returns for another load. What with going up and down tree trunks to reach suitable lateral branches, it looks as if she travels about 150 feet for every fifty feet of straight-line distance. It’s at this point that I start getting really interested, thinking rather self-reflexively about the way my own mind works. I’ve often thought that, for North Americans, the Buddhist phrase “monkey-mind” should instead be translated as “squirrel-mind.” This morning, I see that while the branches are a given, the route is not.

I watch her make four trips before I get too cold and have to go inside. Each time she takes a slightly different route through the mid-level branches, and once she returns from nest to tulip by a completely different route, higher and farther back from the wood’s edge. In typical gray squirrel fashion she often uses her own weight to bridge a gap, small branches bending down to the point where she can leap the last couple feet to the twig-ends of the next branch. Since it’s not quite fully light, some of these smaller branches are invisible to me, which makes her progress appear even more death-defying and miraculous. However, I’ve watched enough squirrels to know that this spirit of experimentation and play seems to infect much of what they do. I don’t think that’s simply the affective fallacy on my part. If playfulness makes one avoid doing the same thing the same way twice, one is less likely to end up as someone else’s lunch. Predators are, by and large, a fairly single-minded lot.

Each time she returns to the same, small branch in the tulip tree and strips off more of the long, dangly stuff. She takes so much, she can’t even close her mouth. I figure she must be a female with babies on the way. What else could be so urgent as to require the gathering of new bedding material first thing in the morning, before breakfast?

*

I often warn people about my normal style of discourse: even my digressions have digressions. Watching this squirrel thus feels strangely validating. The shortest distance between two points may be a straight line, but who says that’s the best way to go? Much as we may envy and admire the single-mindedness of a hawk or an eagle, most of us are more like squirrels. The sooner we recognize this, it seems to me, the easier time we’ll have identifying and isolating the true predators among us.

Chris Clarke of Creek Running North shares a truly harrowing tale from his past, describing the serial killer his mother dated one summer when he was a young man. As always with Chris, the writing is exceptional – not one word too many or too few. His mother and a brother, both bloggers themselves, weigh in with their own recollections in the comments.

*

I think it’s safe to say that the government of the United States of America now constitutes the largest and most dangerous predator the world has ever seen. In addition to launching unprovoked invasions of largely defenseless countries for the express purpose of stealing their oil, it has built a worldwide gulag archipelago of secret prisons where its enemies disappear without a trace. (Thanks to Newsdesk.org’s “News You Might Have Missed” e-newsletter for these links.) From a realpolitik perspective, indefinite detentions and systematic torture of suspects make little sense. The questionable value of intelligence gained under torture is surely not worth the strains with allies or the surge in Al Qaeda recruitment that such flagrant violations of the Geneva Convention tend to promote. Some have argued that it’s all about lowering the bar, so that in the future, similar or even more heinous actions will be tolerated by American voters. But I believe it’s mainly about power – reinforcing that strange feedback loop that links pleasure with oblivion. Why drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge when the ecological and political costs are so steep and the likely rewards so negligible that even the big oil companies don’t think it’s worth it? Why antagonize countries like Iran and North Korea when it’s O.K. to buy off Libya and Pakistan? Why pursue what even the GOP refers to as the “nuclear option” in the U.S. Senate? To those of us who mainly think squirrel thoughts, these sorts of things will always remain darn near incomprehensible.

*

In a comment to my post about the American flag, British blogger Dick Jones of Patteran Pages writes,

I can’t help thinking ‘only in the States…’! I recall (dimly, as with an old man’s fading vision) there being something of fuss when The Who went national with the mod fashion of clothing made out of the Union Jack. But it was no more than a sort of choral clearing of throats from the retired colonel brigade. After that the symbol of Britain’s imperial pride was up for sartorial grabs & has been ever since.

So this sanctification of the Stars & Bars is fascinating & only partially explained by Mr Turner’s characterisation of symbols as both ‘social & normative’ & ‘sensory & affective’ (I bet THAT explanation went down like a cup of cold sick with the second big guy). Further reflections on the cult of the flag from commenters would be illuminating.

I responded by admitting that the U.S.A. is “one of the few countries where one sees the national flag flying everywhere – kind of like the ubiquity of portraits of the Great Leader in places like N. Korea and Turkmenistan.” But I was clueless about the origin of U.S. flagolatry.

So if you have any ideas about how to explain this to a non- or un-American, please leave a comment in the string attached to this post (less confusing than going back to the original flag-burning essay, which is a ways down the page now). Thanks.

*

Over at the vernacular body, Elck raises some interesting questions of his own, which directly relate to (and are perhaps partly responsible for) my concern with circuitousness this morning. “Our home, our city, our world, our life is now a supermarket for the satisfaction of the senses,” he writes.

We could binge on Peking Opera if we wished, or read nothing but Uruguayan poets, or fill up our Netflix queues with films from Japan and Japan alone. And, in addition to the available range, there’s also the issue of portability (paperbacks, mp3s, fast downloads), the convenience of mail-order, and the existence of blogs making transglobal stimulating discussion of these interests possible.

This situation creates a number of dilemmas, among them:

We risk finding out the hard way that things too cheaply obtained are poorly attended to. We don’t necessarily take the time to immerse ourselves in the best that culture offers us. For example, how does having a stack of DVDs (or a Netflix queue) affect our experience of a film like Andrei Rublov or Fanny and Alexander? Would we watch the film with different eyes if it were the only thing we had seen on the screen in several months, if the viewing of it were a sacred, set-apart experience, rather than something to be gotten through before popping the next disc in? Is the surfeit of product (even of good product) dulling our senses?

*

Even as a plan for satisfying the senses, I think the typically American, consumption-oriented approach falls short. We are taught to be direct and goal-oriented, and not coincidentally, I think, many people complain of being unsatisfied, sexually and otherwise. As K. of A Happening wrote last month in a post called the last taboo,

[W]e live in a culture that … does not know how to appreciate physical beauty unless it’s seen on a playing field. As Americans, we don’t know how to enjoy the naked human form for what it is. Our fear of sex has made it impossible for us to understand the possibilities for variety in sensual experience and in the experience of eros. In our linear thinking, goal-oriented society, if it’s naked we have no idea what [to] do but fuck it. And because most of the time the object laid before our eyes is not really available, we feel compelled to satisfy this desire in some other way. Usually by buying something.

Quite apart from the question of who has the time to sketch, make music, read and write poetry, or what have you, I wonder how many even retain the ability to appreciate the subtler wonders that surround us every day? One of my favorite quotes – and one of the very first things I ever posted on this blog – suggests that this crisis is neither new nor distinctly American. The Baal Shem Tov, 18th-century founder of the Eastern European Hasidic movement, is said to have exclaimed, Alas! The world is full of enormous lights and mysteries, and man shuts them from himself with one small hand!

*

In her latest post, Andi of Ditch the Raft announces, “I’ve decided to become a seeker after Mysteries.” On a recent family visit to Finland, she watched a Lenten mass in Helsinki’s Uspenski Cathedral.

Once again, I noticed the prostrations. Not so different from a Tibetan half-prostration, the “grand metanoia” came after each congregant had crossed him- or herself. The word “metanoia” means “to turn,” as if turning away from something, such as sin and evil. I like to keep this in mind when I do my own prostrations. I like it, in part because it implies a circular movement within the self, rather than a linear one. We do not progress out of sin, toward sinless-ness. Instead, we are constantly turning within ourselves, seeking the light which guides not necessarily on a straight path, but simply around, like the Zen circle, to our true selves.

For those unfamiliar with Ditch the Raft, it may help to know that Andi is a committed Buddhist (of the Korean Zen variety) and is preparing to enter the monastic life in May. I encourage everyone with an interest in the ostensible focus of this blog, the via negativa, to go read the rest of her post, which includes an illuminating interview with a Greek Orthodox deacon back in the States. I can’t improve on her conclusion.

One other quote from Andi brings us full circle, back to squirrel-mind. This comes from a comment she left in response to a recent post of Dale’s, over at mole. In Today’s catch, Dale shares “some of the weirdly false thoughts I’ve captured on the wing, today… Answering these thoughts is not exactly rocket science,” he writes. “They’re infantile, mostly. Fatuous. My life is being run by thoughts that would do no credit to a six-year-old.” Andi responds:

[It’s] funny how we want to say that the most basic part of us is infantile, or small in some way, when it’s actually the common denominator, the glue of the mind, the mundane fears and worries that underpin so many of our actions. Seeing them as basic is wonderful! – we stumble upon the unhidden truth, that we’re simple at heart, run by things that, the longer we look at them, appear more and more like exaggerated shadows than mountainous objects. Simple fears also mean simple joys, wonderful love over the small things of life, nothing grand: just a beautiful day, a smile from our lovers, the laughter of our children…

*

Squirrel-mind excels in the construction of circular nests, or dreys. Winter dreys are more elaborate than those built for summer use. Though they often appear fairly messy from below, they are in fact quite compact and, from all reports, rather cozy. According to The Natural History of Squirrels (John Gurnell, Facts on File Publications, 1987),

They are waterproof and made of an outer coarse layer of interwoven twigs, which the squirrels usually remove from the tree in which the drey is built (often with leaves still attached). There is a softer inner lining consisting of moss, bark, leaves, fur, feathers, lichens and similar material, and dreys which are used by females to rear young tend to be very well-padded…. A squirrel takes from one to several days to construct a drey, and they will maintain it and add to it as and when required.

So this morning was I watching normal nest maintenance, special refurbishment, or something else entirely? The same source refers to the inner bark of several tree species as a food item for squirrels, not just a nesting material, so it’s possible the individual I was watching was simply doing her grocery shopping. In any case, the weather was threatening; it’s now begun to snow. A good time to snuggle deeper into the nest, tail curled over head, and dream of spring. For busy as they may seem, most of what squirrels do during the long, lean months is sleep.

Spring snow: sixteen snapshots

Spring snow:
the night before, I woke
to the sound of swans

Spring snow:
the spicebush outside my window
captures more & more of the sky

Spring snow:
one mourning dove adds
an extra half-note

Spring snow:
the soft ground sinks
under my boots

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Spring snow:
last year’s stalks of Oswego tea
don fresh caps

Spring snow:
whitewashed walls of a springhouse
look anything but white

Spring snow
clinging to every twig
trunks glow green with lichen

Spring snow:
the black cat crouches
beside a vole’s burrow

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Spring snow
on budding maples:
faint blush of pink

Spring snow
covers up the letters
on a “No Trespassing” sign

Spring snow:
the woods won’t be this dark again
until early summer

Spring snow:
soft thumps as it drops off the trees,
water loud in the creek

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UPDATE: Thanks to Ivy Alvarez for suggesting a change in the first haiku (“I woke” instead of “I had awoken”).